7 Powerful Ways to Learn From the Life You're Living

The more life I live, the more I realize that wisdom rarely arrives all at once. More often, it shows up quietly — in conversations, mistakes (argh), books, nature, relationships, and moments that don't seem particularly remarkable until much later.

Looking back, I can see that some of my greatest teachers haven’t always shown up in the classroom. They’ve been books, people, nature... and life itself. And so, here are seven places we can return to whenever we want to better understand ourselves and the life we’re living.

1) Read the words of those who have come before.

Some of the wisest conversations I've ever had have been with people I never met. Books have a way of expanding our perspective, introducing us to questions we hadn't considered, and reminding us that the struggles we face today aren't entirely new. From philosophers like Plato, Aristotle, Dostoyevsky, and Laozi to the world’s leading psychologists like Freud, Jung, Ellis, Rogers, and Kinsey, we have inherited a wealth of wisdom by which to understand and live our lives.

So whether it be the Tao Te Ching, The Republic, The Interpretation of Dreams, or Man and His Symbols, pick up a text that is sure to stretch and expand your self-view and world-view. When we read the words of those luminaries who have come before us, we are easily transported to a time and space that is different than our own, enabling us to engage a perspective that too is different than our own. With each page, there is the potential for learning, for opening of mind and heart, and for forming new neural connections and patterns of thought. With each page, there is connection, relation, and resonance with someone who is not physically present with us but whose view of life resembles, and perhaps, expands on, our own. With each page, most importantly, there is a growing understanding and knowing that although it was different then, the questions that we yearn to have answered and the things that really matter to us in life remain evermore the same.

2) Go outside.

Mother nature has a remarkable way of reminding us of truths we often forget. Take for example the “c” word. Change. So many of us humans fear it, yet it is part of the natural cycle of life. Just one look at mother nature reveals the ever-changing nature of life. Leaves on trees mature and change color just before they fall to the Earth. And it is in these moments, days, and months just before they fall that they are at their greatest potential and shining their brightest. Every season reminds me that change isn't an interruption of life — it's one of life's most reliable patterns. And so, what if we humans, like trees, embraced, rather the fear, the aging process? What if we, like trees, knew that it only gets better as we get older, that we understand more and therefore have more to give? The next time you feel jolted when you sense the “c” word coming near and feel tempted to resist its accompaniments, just remember the pure wisdom that is contained in the natural cycle of life.

Every season reminds us that change isn't an interruption of life — it's one of life's most reliable patterns.

3) Let a mentor guide you on your way.

What a relief it is to know that no matter what you want to do in life, someone has attempted something similar before you. Oftentimes, this person has not done exactly what you have set out to do (your path, after all, will still be uniquely your own) but what they have done required a similar level of fearlessness, faith, and determination. So seek out that person who achieved their dreams when no one thought they would, that person who was the first in their family to go the distance, or that person who knows everything there is to know about that topic you find so interesting that not many others do. Talk to them, ask them questions, and revel in gratitude for the wisdom of those who have walked the path before you. Seek out opportunities to spend time with them, observe them, and learn from them in an official or unofficial mentor-mentee capacity, and let their guidance paint for you a picture of what’s possible, knowing all the while that your path will be one-of-a-kind.

4) Tune in to your body.

We spend so much time asking our minds what to do that we sometimes forget our bodies are offering information too, and that sometimes our bodies notice what our minds haven't yet put into words. It’s the voice that allows you to discern what is right for someone you know from what is right for you. Sometimes it says yes even when your thinking mind is listing reasons to say no. Other times it quietly whispers, "Let's pause. Something doesn't feel right" when your feet are racing forward towards the sign that reads safe zone: proceed without caution. And it’s the signal that’s been gifted to you as a source of internal, enduring wisdom. So tune in to this wisdom that your intuition offers you regularly. Pause and check in with your body. Ask yourself “What do I feel physically when I think of making this decision?” Is there a nervous sensation that appears in your stomach, a pressure that emanates in your chest, or a fluttering sensation all of a sudden present in your heart? Does your body feel instantly closed off, heavy, and in a state of resistance? Or does it feel light, open, and as if moving towards something? Take note of the sensations present in your body in response to what you’re thinking about and know that this is your inner guidance system speaking alongside the rationale of your thinking mind. Connect and build trust with it regularly for it is one of your greatest sources of wisdom beyond any book, pro-con list, or word of advice.

Sometimes our bodies notice what our minds haven't yet put into words.

5) Spend time with the elderly.

There is something uniquely valuable about spending time with people who have lived longer than we have. They are a source of true wisdom – the kind that comes only from having lived (see #7).

It’s likely that the elders in your life – whether it be a grandparent, parent, neighbor, colleague, or friend – have learned a thing or two about happiness, health, love, and life throughout their time on earth. They have a perspective that many of us don’t yet have, spurred by an ability to look back on life in its near-entirety and see the progression of many of life’s learnings from ignorance to assumed, partial or faux intellectual understanding on to full, felt understanding through lived experience. Because of their own lived failures, victories, hopes, regrets, ups-and-downs, they likely have in mind and heart certain ideas about the ways of being and behaving that help and those that hurt, about the things in our day-to-day life that are and are not worth our attention, sweat, and tears, and certainly about what really makes life worth living. And from this wisdom, many will have emerged more open-hearted and loving than they’d been 30, 40, 50, or 60 years prior, making their life view one of the most worthwhile of all to hear and heed if you so choose. So talk to the elders in your life and really listen to what they have to say. Respect and appreciate them for the people they are, ignore the often unspoken misconception that “older people have less value and cannot contribute to society as they once did,” and be truly present to their stories and the lessons and love contained within them.

6) Meditate.

One of the gifts of meditation is that it helps create a little space between us and every thought we think. You see, as Anaïs Nin writes, “we don’t see things as they are, we see things as we are.” Being aware of this tendency, we can begin to loosen our grip of all the thoughts that come and go in our mind, telling us who we are, who they are, who’s right, and who’s wrong, and we can begin to see beyond ourselves, moving to understand others like never before.

So take a few moments each day to sit or lie in silence, to observe the sounds around you and the thoughts within you, noticing yourself as the observer of, and not one and the same as, these thoughts. As you identify more and more with the feeling of your breath and less and less with your thinking mind, the door to understanding yourself and others opens a little wider.

7) Live.

You can’t get around it. Though there are many opportunities to gain wisdom in each day, there is nothing that begets wisdom quite like living. So I say: Read books. Listen to mentors. Spend time in nature. Meditate. And then...

Go live.

Because eventually life becomes the teacher.

Make mistakes. Repair them. Love people. Lose people. Try things that don't work. Try again. Change your mind. Let yourself be surprised.

Because wisdom isn't something we collect. It's something life slowly shapes within us.

Looking back, I don't think wisdom has come from any one source. It's come from staying open — from continuing to notice, question, wonder, and learn. Life is constantly offering us opportunities to grow. We don't have to catch every lesson perfectly. We simply have to keep paying attention.

Much of what we explore inside Happy from the Inside Out® is learning how to relate to everyday life differently — not by avoiding feelings and challenges, but by becoming more aware of what they're showing us. If you're looking for practical ways to better understand yourself and grow through the life you're already living, I'd love to have you join us.