10 Ways Life Is Encouraging You To Practice Self-Love

In many ways, life keeps inviting us back into a deeper relationship with ourselves. Every day brings moments that ask us to respond with more honesty, more compassion, more courage, and, ultimately, more self-love. Here are ten everyday experiences that, although often uncomfortable, can be a way that life invites us to practice self-love.

1. Using negative self-talk.

Every instance that you notice yourself engaging in negative self-talk is an opportunity to reverse the pattern by reminding yourself that you are a human being who deserves to be spoken to with the same kindness you would offer someone you love. Maybe you picked it up from watching how your mother, father, sibling, or relative related to him or herself. Whatever the case, negative self-talk is a bad habit that takes you further away from the true essence of who you are, and it is a beautiful opportunity to practice self-love.

2. Judging yourself.

Throughout our lives, we establish a perception of “me”. Every experience we go through, when we attach meaning to it, adds to this “me”. Be mindful of the labels you use to characterize yourself. If I asked you “who are you?” what would you say? Would you be likely to say you are someone who enjoys nature, social gatherings, and exercise (neutral labels that don’t carry a lot of emotional weight)? Would you be likely to say you are a kind-hearted person with a lot to offer the world (charged labels that carry positive emotional consequences)? Or would you be likely to say you are a no-good person who can’t ever do anything right (charged labels that carry negative emotional baggage)? Self-judgment often grows out of the stories we tell ourselves about what our experiences mean. A mistake becomes "I'm a failure." A rejection becomes "I'm unlovable." A struggle becomes "Something is wrong with me." So pay attent the stories you're creating about what your experiences say about you. Use instances of self-judgment to rewrite the story you tell yourself about yourself. Take advantage of this incredible opportunity to practice self-love.

Use instances of self-judgment to rewrite the story you tell yourself about yourself.

3. Comparing yourself to others.

We don’t live in isolation. Every day we encounter people who are different than we are. Different… Not better. Not worse. The tendency to compare yourself to others is a sign that you are not acknowledging your worth as a human being. You are instead allowing your worth to be determined by how you stack up to the people around you, whether by status, looks, personality traits, wealth, or some other measure of “being good enough”. It too is an opportunity to practice self-love.

4. Feeling shame.

Shame is an emotion we feel when we believe that, at our core, we are somehow wrong, flawed, bad, or unworthy because of something we’ve done, didn’t do, or went through. Rather than letting a poor choice, mistake or instance when we didn’t act in our best character be a fleeting situation, we let it inform who we think we are (our self-identity) and how worthy of love and connection we are. The next time you make a mistake that sets your team back at work or you do or say something that hurts someone else’s feelings and you feel shame creeping in, remind yourself that what you did and who you are are not the same thing. Acknowledge that something you did or didn’t do is not an indication of who you are or are not and use the experience of shame as an opportunity to practice self-love.

What you did and who you are are not the same thing.

5. Needing to say no.

What kind of life would you live if all you did was say “yes” to anything and everything asked of you? One of limited time, restricted personal freedom, and wavering happiness, perhaps? Life is meant to be lived feeling free, not trapped. That’s why life is asking you to learn to say no and loosen the fear of letting someone else down. Saying no isn't about caring less about other people. It's about recognizing that caring for yourself matters too. And plus, you can’t control other people’s reactions nor can you control the degree to which they do or don’t love you. All the more reason to love yourself. Again. And again. And again. So any time you need to say no, remember that this too is an opportunity to practice self-love.

6. Conflict in your friendships and/or relationships.

Any time you feel an urge to engage in an argument or some sort of conflict with a partner, friend, family member, colleague, or anyone else in your life is an indication that something isn’t feeling right to you. Perhaps your needs aren’t being met or your values are being challenged. Conflict often points toward something important. Perhaps a need isn't being met. Perhaps a value has been crossed. Perhaps something inside you is asking to be heard. So go within, allow yourself to feel the discord between what is happening and what you really want, and tend to the needs of your precious heart. Don’t miss this wonderful opportunity to practice self-love.

Go within, allow yourself to feel the discord between what is happening and what you really want, and tend to the needs of your precious heart. Don’t miss this wonderful opportunity to practice self-love.

7. Going through difficult times.

There is not one person alive who lives 365 days a year without some fluctuation of their life experience from negative to positive and everywhere in between. These changing, difficult seasons are simply part of being human, and they often become some of our greatest teachers. They invite us to care for ourselves in ways we may not need to when life feels easy. They invite us to practice self-compassion, to acknowledge the tenderness of our human experience, and to stay present with ourselves in our most vulnerable moments. If we're willing, these seasons can become some of our greatest opportunities to practice self-love.

8. Physical pain or discomfort.

We can stuff emotional pain away for years before it makes a roaring comeback. Physical pain, on the other hand, has a way of asking for our attention. Whether or not it has emotional roots, it often invites us to slow down, listen more closely to ourselves, ask for support, and respond to our bodies with greater care. “Can I accept this new reality I am experiencing even though it is unpleasant?”, “Can I ask for what I need?”, “Can I be courageous enough to delve into the emotional roots of this pain?”, and “Can I love myself even and especially with this pain?” are all questions that you may find yourself asking if you are someone for whom aches and pains are a routine part of life. Know that pain can become an invitation to practice self-love.

9. Weight gain.

How much of your self-worth is tied to what you look like or how much you weigh? In a culture that places so much value on appearance, changes in our bodies can easily begin to feel like reflections of our worth. But they aren't.

Are only people who look a certain way worthy of love? Of course not. Yet many of us unknowingly apply a harsher standard to ourselves than we ever would to someone else.

So while those changes in your body may not feel welcome, they can become an opportunity to practice treating yourself with kindness, respect, and compassion — regardless of your size, shape, or appearance. Your body will change throughout your life. Your worth doesn't have to change with it.

Your body will change throughout your life. Your worth doesn't have to change with it.

10. Health issues.

Issues with the functioning of our physical body often arise at inopportune times. Heck, is there really ever a convenient time to experience a deterioration in health? Probably not. Health challenges often interrupt life in ways we never would have chosen. They ask us to slow down, adjust expectations, refocus on what’s really, truly important to us, receive help, and care for ourselves differently. Because life does not exist without health, issues with our health – unlike any other disturbance – encourage us to practice self-love in a big way.

Self-love isn't something we master once and for all. It's a relationship we return to over and over again through ordinary moments like these. Every difficult emotion, every hard conversation, every mistake, every boundary, every season of struggle becomes another opportunity to ask: How might I respond to myself with a little more kindness than I did before?

And over time, those small moments begin to change the relationship you have with yourself — and, often, the life you create.

Many of the moments that challenge our self-love — self-criticism, shame, comparison, conflict, boundaries, and difficult emotions — are exactly the moments we learn to navigate inside Happy from the Inside Out®. If you're ready to build a kinder, more loving relationship with yourself, I'd love to have you join us.