The 5 Ws of Life
The older I get, the less interested I become in collecting more answers and the more interested I become in returning to a handful of truths that seem to matter again and again. They're simple. Easy to forget. And somehow, lifelong practices.
I think of them as the five Ws of life.
1: Who you are is unique and your uniqueness is what makes you special.
In the short term, it’s easy to conform to society’s supposed ‘norm’ and to be like everyone else. In the long term, however, it becomes very difficult for your heart and soul which are simply yearning to be shown and expressed for all that they are. So whatever you do, don’t change who you are, and don’t change just because someone wants you to fulfill an expectation or need that they have. Remind yourself that this life is yours to live as you wish, just as you are. Don’t change to make someone love and appreciate you. Give yourself permission to become more of who you really are, say more of what you feel, live in ways that feel true to your values, and it’ll be easier for the people and relationships who truly value you to know the real you. As you embrace who you are, embrace the uniqueness of the people in your life too. Honor your differences and make it a priority to try and love them just as they are.
Give yourself permission to become more of who you really are.
2: When you want to do something but fear you might fail, do it anyway.
Throughout life, failure is one of the experiences people fear having most. It’s why some people reject certain opportunities and why others don’t even try at all. As you journey through life, you recognize that taking a light attitude towards failure is far more productive and conducive than regretting opportunities you missed because you were too afraid to try. You begin to realize that failure is often a sign you've stepped outside your comfort zone — that you've tried, stretched, and lived. More often than not, what we regret isn't imperfect attempts. It's the ways fear quietly convinced us not to live. It turns out that, when at the end of their lives, people report regretting spending as much time working as they did, not staying in as close contact with their friends and family, not spending more time with their children, trying to please everyone, and not having had the courage to express what they were feeling. They never regret having tried and failed.
3: What the future holds is uncertain. Don't wait to begin living.
Many people spend their lives getting ready to live. They set goals, architect plans, and craft beautiful roadmaps that they hope will lead them to the life they truly desire, all the while forgetting to enjoy the journey of getting there. The future begins with the choices we make today. So don’t wait for the future to deliver you the joy, love, and meaning that you are yearning for. Look for small ways that reflect those things today. Life is truly lived in the experience of each present moment, not in anticipation of the next. We’ve all heard the figurative story of the man who was saving up his millions for the wonderful future he planned only to die suddenly in his sleep decades ahead of “schedule”. Don’t be that guy (or girl). No plan or roadmap crafted by the mind can circumnavigate the uncertain, always-changing nature of life. Live now. Do what you’ve always wanted to do now. Don't postpone joy until life finally looks the way you imagined it wuld.
Don't postpone joy until life finally looks the way you imagined it would.
4: What matters most in life is the people in it.
Few things contribute more consistently to our well-being than safe, meaningful relationships. Not work, not sports, not the internet, not money. Prioritize your relationships and treat them like they are the gold trophy of life because they are. Don’t let yourself get lost so much in the hustle and bustle of daily life that it overshadows, overpowers, and hurts your relationships. Call the people you love, spend time with the people who matter, learn how to be truly present with the members of your family, build relationships with your neighbors, become a part of your community, lend a hand, and be the recipient of another’s helping hand. Many people spend decades looking for a genuine feeling of happiness in life only to realize that it’s been under their noses and in their friendships and relationships the whole time. Invest intentionally in the relationships that nourish you and you won’t need to wait decades to experience the quiet joy of knowing you belong somewhere and that your presence matters to the people who know and love you.
5: Why things happen the way they happen is not always certain but it’s up to us how we respond and move forward.
One of the hardest parts of being human is that we don't always get satisfying answers. We don't always know why relationships end, opportunities disappear, illnesses arise, or painful experiences find us. Sometimes life remains wonderfully uncertain. What we do have influence over is the meaning we make, the beliefs we carry forward, and the choices we make from here.
The thoughts we return to day after day shape what we notice, they shape how we interpret our experiences, and ultimately they shape the lives we live. They influence what we notice, how we interpret our experiences, and the possibilities we allow ourselves to see. When we believe we're incapable, we often stop looking for possibilities. When we believe we're worthy of love, growth, or belonging, we're more likely to recognize the opportunities already around us. Perhaps that's where our greatest power lies — not in controlling everything that happens, but in choosing how we'll relate to what happens and who we'll become because of it.
Each of these five reflections points toward the same deeper question: How do we build a life that feels more aligned with who we really are? Learning to understand ourselves, relate to our inner world with greater compassion, and make choices that reflect what truly matters is a big part of it and it’s also at the heart of my course Happy from the Inside Out®. If you feel called to navigate these ideas more deeply, I'd love to have you join us.
