Stop Trying To Find Your Life Purpose and Do These 5 Things Instead
This article was originally published on Soulaia.com. This version has been lightly updated over time to reflect my current voice, links, and evolving understanding while preserving the heart and core message of the original article.
For as long as I could remember, I was searching for my “why”– my purpose for being alive, the unique way that I could contribute to the world, my reason for getting up in the morning, and my way of feeling uniquely and wonderfully alive. And for as long as I could remember, I wanted and waited desperately for it to come in a big, irrefutable way, like an explosion of fireworks spelling out Y-O-U-R P-U-R-P-O-S-E in the beautiful night sky or God or the Universe itself hand delivering me a note one unsuspecting morning that read “Sophia, your mission in this life, should you choose to accept it, is…” If you’ve been on a path of self-knowledge and self-understanding, it’s likely that you too have been deeply wondering about and searching for your “why”. And if you’re anything like me, you’ve likely learned that searching for it doesn’t get you much closer to it. And though searching for it behind every corner of the Internet or waiting for it to drop out of the sky are unlikely to bring much clarity, there are some things that will. Here are the 5 things you can do starting right now to help you discover your purpose.
1. Assess your values and goals.
Ask yourself “What are the principles by which I live my life? What is really important to me? What really matters? What– if I looked back on it in 5, 10, 20 years– would make my heart and soul sing loudly?” Your values are the blueprint by which you live your life and, if you choose to pay close attention to them, can serve not only as a way by which you make decisions that are true to who you are, but also as a system of guidance directing you to your purpose. So wherever you go and whatever you do, notice what’s important to you, what you want most from this life, and to what you give meaning. Whether life comes with inherent meaning or whether we create meaning ourselves, our values often point us toward what matters most. So go ahead, take some time to reflect on your values, take a peek at what drives you to care about certain events, situations, and causes and not others, and get acquainted with your very own system of values (if you're not sure how, don't worry — there are plenty of ways to begin exploring your values, and even a few moments of reflection can be surprisingly revealing).
2. Follow who and what inspires you.
Whether they be people, books, courses, programs, or the like, take notice of what you can’t help but be curious about, what you can’t wait to learn, read, and talk more about, and what you get excited about any time someone mentions it. These things that pique your interest, that stimulate your desire for knowledge and action, that power your everyday decisions, and that ultimately drive you towards your goals are not random. They are a result of your personality, your inherent strengths, and your incredibly unique way of perceiving and interacting with the world. The more you pay attention to the people, ideas, experiences, and activities that genuinely inspire you, the more clues you'll gather about what feels meaningful and alive for you. What inspires you about science, art, dance, literature, technology, education, numbers, or the ocean tells a story – a story of how you came to be who you are and who you are becoming. And what inspires you about other people may tell you something important about yourself. Sometimes it points to qualities you already possess. Sometimes it reflects qualities you long to develop. Either way, paying attention to what moves, inspires, and energizes you can reveal important clues about the kind of life you want to build.
Your purpose may be less about finding the right destination and more about paying attention to what feels meaningful along the way.
3. Let go of the belief that you have to be somebody.
Not surprisingly, it’s the belief that we have to be somebody and that we need to be important that is at the root of our unending striving, digging, and impatience for a purpose – something that will remind us that we are, in fact, worthy and that we do, in fact, have value. The truth is that each of us matters more than we often realize. We all influence each other all of the time. So if you want to have a purpose right now in this very moment, let it be to influence the people around you in the most positive way that you can. Let it be to acknowledge your own inherent importance, to treat yourself as the incredibly valuable being that you are, and to then go and do the same for others. Your purpose is alive in each moment. It is in the way you move, the way you speak, the way you choose to greet and treat yourself and others every day. So every morning when you wake up, tell yourself this: “I know that I have inherent importance and value and that I inherently exercise my purpose in each and every way that I talk, walk, and treat myself and other people.” Then ask yourself: “Knowing this, how will I choose to live my life today?” And let that inspire the energy, enthusiasm, and purpose with which you begin each day.
4. Relax, unwind, do nothing.
When we constantly chase answers, we often create more noise than clarity. Sometimes stepping back, slowing down, and giving ourselves room to breathe allows us to notice what we've been overlooking.
Many of the things that matter most to us don't arrive as loud declarations. They emerge gradually through curiosity, experience, reflection, and paying attention to what feels meaningful. Your soul doesn’t scream and shout; it speaks to you in subtleties. An inexplicable urge to do something, a hesitation to not do something else, images that you see around you, experiences that you have, people whom you meet, and conversations that you remember– these are all language forms in which your soul communicates. It’s a language that only you know, that only you can recognize, see, hear, touch, and feel. When you take the time to simply be with yourself, you will increasingly be aware of the nuances that go on within and around you. You may find yourself less caught up in your mind's chatter and more able to notice the quieter wisdom of your intuition and your heart. Among the multitude of your heart’s whispers, you’re unlikely to find the whisper of “C’mon, stop wasting time and find your purpose already.” Your heart’s whispers more readily sound like this: “Darling, take your time. There is no rush at all. Just as you were created on purpose, there is no doubt to me that your life has value whether you're accomplishing things, writing books, influencing people, or simply twiddling your thumbs.
5. Let your purpose find you.
On the path of personal and spiritual growth, many of us get “hung up” on the idea of a singular purpose or mission that I must fulfill in this life. But what if there wasn’t simply one thing that you must do in this life? What if there were many things that you could do, a variety of things that you could choose from to accomplish your personal mission? What if the question wasn't "What is my purpose?" but "What feels meaningful, energizing, and aligned for me right now?" An unconventional idea, I know, but really let it sink in. What if your purpose wasn't something you had to discover, but something you gradually expressed by being fully yourself? What if it didn’t really matter what path you pursued as long as it was one you could pursue with joy and fervor? When you embrace purpose as a way to enjoy life while being yourself, you’ll be keenly aware of those moments when your mood is just right, when conversations simply flow, when your needs are easily met, and when your day goes from great to even better. And that is when your purpose will find you.
What if your purpose wasn't something you had to discover, but something you gradually expressed by being fully yourself?
I can't promise that your purpose will reveal itself through an explosion of fireworks in the night sky or that you'll wake up one morning with absolute certainty about exactly what you're meant to do with your life. What I can say is that meaning often reveals itself in a quieter way. It shows up in the things you care about, the people you're drawn to, the conversations that energize you, the work that feels worthwhile, and the moments when you feel most fully yourself.
So perhaps the goal isn't to find your purpose once and for all. Perhaps it's to keep paying attention to what feels meaningful, stay open to where life is leading you, and trust that your path will continue to unfold as you walk it.
Many of us spend years searching for the thing that will finally tell us who we are or what we're meant to do. More often than not, the answers emerge through learning to know ourselves more deeply. Helping people reconnect with themselves, understand their inner world, and create lives that feel more meaningful, aligned, and authentic is at the heart of my work and guided in my self-paced course, Happy from the Inside Out®. If that journey calls to you, I'd love to see you there.
