The One Question to Ask for a Happy Life
If you want a happy life, there is one question it may help to ask yourself before you're about to take some sort of action or make a decision:
Who is in charge right now?
Whether you're deciding what to say to someone, choosing whether or not to start or stay in a relationship, deciding on a certain job or career path, or making one of many other small and big decisions you need to make throughout your life, your decisions create the very fabric of what happens next in your life, and therefore the degree of happiness you can feel.
When you ask yourself WHO IS IN CHARGE RIGHT NOW?, sometimes the answer might be:
My wiser self.
My heart.
The grounded, calmer part of me.
The part of me that feels aligned with my values.
And other times, the answer might sound more like:
The hurt part of me.
The scared part of me.
The angry or protective part of me.
The part of me that feels rejected, threatened, ashamed, or desperate to make the pain go away.
The point isn’t that some parts of us are “bad.” In fact, many of our reactive or protective parts are trying very hard to help us, protect us, or prevent us from feeling pain.
But when our decisions are being driven primarily by fear, shame, anger, hurt, or reactivity, we’re often more likely to make choices that don’t actually align with who we want to be or how we genuinely want to live.
So much of the quality of our lives is shaped by where our actions, choices, and reactions are coming from internally.
Most of us can probably think of moments where fear, hurt, shame, anger, or protection took the lead — moments where we reacted quickly, shut down, lashed out, stayed too long, pushed someone away, or made choices that didn’t ultimately feel aligned with the kind of person we wanted to be.
That doesn’t make us bad. It makes us human.
Often, the most important part isn’t having a perfect response to circumstances right away. It’s simply pausing long enough to notice what part of us is taking the lead before we automatically act from it.
If this reflection resonates with you and you’re wanting to become more aware of what’s guiding your decisions, reactions, and actions, The Soul Journal offers prompts and reflections designed to help you slow down, reconnect with yourself, and live with greater awareness and intention.
Note: This article was originally written several years ago and has been lightly updated to reflect my current work and offerings.
