From Romance to Reality: What Science Says About Long-Term Happiness in Relationships

Have you ever found yourself thinking or saying, "Being in a relationship or getting married is what I need in order to be happy"... “If only I was in a relationship…” or “If only I was married…” “then I would be happy.” It's a common myth that many people believe. The idea that finding that special someone will unlock a lifetime of happiness and fulfillment is ingrained in our culture. We often think, "If I just meet someone and get married, then I'll be happy." But what actually happens?

The Initial Happiness Boost aka “The Honeymoon Phase”

Interestingly, there is some truth to the initial surge of happiness that comes with being in a new relationship or from getting married. You’ve probably heard it referred to as the "honeymoon phase." During this exciting period, positive emotions exponentiate and a sense of fulfillment permeates our lives. We feel on top of the world, as if we've found the missing piece that will make everything fall into place. But, the reality is that this initial surge of happiness tends to fade over time.

Psychologists refer to this phenomenon as "hedonic adaptation." As we become accustomed to the new circumstances and the positive emotions associated with the relationship become the new norm, we eventually return to our baseline levels of happiness. The honeymoon phase dissipates, and we are left with a more realistic view of the relationship and its impact on our overall happiness.

We feel on top of the world, as if we've found the missing piece that will make everything fall into place. But, the reality is that this initial surge of happiness tends to fade over time.

The Truth Behind Long-Term Relationship Happiness

So, if the initial happiness boost eventually fades, what truly matters for long-term happiness in relationships? The answer lies in the QUALITY of your relationship. Research consistently shows that people in satisfying and supportive relationships tend to report higher levels of happiness compared to those in unhappy or conflict-ridden relationships. It's not just about being in a relationship; it's about the quality of that relationship.

It's not just about being in a relationship; it's about the quality of that relationship.

Building Lasting Happiness: Keys to a Satisfying Relationship

Things like communication, trust, shared values, and mutual support play important roles in maintaining relationship satisfaction and overall happiness. It's the deep connection, understanding, and emotional support that truly make a difference in our long-term happiness within a relationship. When we feel heard, valued, and supported by our partner, our relationship becomes a source of true joy and contentment.

When we feel heard, valued, and supported by our partner, our relationship becomes a source of joy and contentment.

And, I’ve got to say, enhancing the quality of your relationship and creating long-term happiness doesn't have to be complicated or time-consuming. In fact, there's a powerful practice that can make a big difference in just a short amount of time: practicing gratitude together. By simply cultivating a sense of appreciation for each other and the positive aspects of your relationship, you can strengthen your bond and create a deeper connection.

Happiness in a relationship is not just about finding the right person or reaching a certain milestone. It's about the ongoing commitment to nurturing love, understanding, and gratitude. My new book, The Couple's Gratitude Journal, can serve as a wonderful companion on this journey, offering practical guidance and insights to help you cultivate gratitude and experience its profound impact on your relationship. I invite you to check it out here. It doesn't require a significant investment of time or energy—just a willingness to shift your focus towards appreciation, which I know you can do.

Beyond Relationships: Happiness Comes from Within

However, it's important to note that happiness isn’t just dependent on relationships. Our overall well-being is influenced by various factors, including social connections, career satisfaction, personal growth, physical and mental health, and our overall life circumstances. Relationships are just one piece of the happiness puzzle.

Relationships are just one piece of the happiness puzzle.

To build lasting happiness, we must also nurture other areas of our lives. Cultivating a strong support network, pursuing meaningful goals, taking care of our physical and mental well-being, and finding fulfillment in various aspects of life contribute to our overall happiness. It's a holistic approach that encompasses both our relationships and our individual well-being.

So, I want to leave you with this:

While being in a relationship or getting married can bring an initial surge of happiness, long-term happiness is a bit harder to create. The honeymoon phase eventually gives way to a more realistic view of the relationship you’re in, and what becomes the most important determinant of long-term happiness is the quality of your relationship. By nurturing supportive and fulfilling relationships, while also tending to other areas of your life, you can truly experience lasting happiness and fulfillment. Relationships are not a magic formula for eternal happiness, but they can be a big part of a joyous and meaningful life journey.