Decision Making 101: How to Make a Good Decision

Life is full of decisions.

Some are small… What to eat for dinner. Whether to go to yoga. Whether to answer that text message right now.

And some feel much bigger… Whether to stay or leave. Whether to speak up or stay quiet. Whether to take the risk. Whether to trust yourself.

We've all made decisions we later questioned. Decisions we rushed. Decisions we delayed. Decisions we made from fear. Decisions we made from hope. Decisions that worked out beautifully. Decisions that taught us something the hard way.

The tricky thing is that most important decisions don't come with certainty attached to them. We rarely get to know ahead of time how everything will turn out. So over the years, I've become less interested in making the "perfect" decision and more interested in making decisions that feel aligned. And when I think about it, making a good (i.e., aligned) decision really comes down to five components.

Most important decisions don't come with certainty attached to them.

1. Know who you’ve been.

Any meaningful decision benefits from understanding what’s happening inside of us. And, often there isn't just one opinion. One part of us wants to move forward. Another part of us wants to stay safe. One part is excited. Another part of us is terrified. Often, we find ourselves in a space where all of these parts are sharing their opinions and recommendations at the same exact time and we become stifled, confused, and maybe even frozen, not knowing what to do.

Rather than trying to silence those voices, get curious about them. The part that wants safety usually has a reason. The part that wants movement usually has a reason too. When we slow down enough to listen, we often discover that our inner conflict isn't random. It's our history, experience, hopes, fears, and wisdom all trying to help in their own way. And when we can see it as such, we might understand that all it wants is for someone to listen.

2. Know who you’re becoming.

We often think difficult decisions are difficult because we don't know what we want. And sometimes that's true.

But sometimes a decision feels difficult because different parts of us want different things. Part of us wants what is familiar. Part of us wants growth. Part of us wants safety. Part of us wants possibility.

And if you’re feeling confused and not sure what to do, you might actually be in a really good place… and very likely playing on the edge between “who I've been” “and who I’m becoming”. That's why making a different choice can feel so uncomfortable. If the old choice still felt completely right, the decision wouldn't feel difficult at all.

So when you're facing an important decision, try asking yourself:

Who am I becoming?

Not who was I five years ago. Not who other people want me to be. Not who fear wants me to be.

Who am I becoming?

Sometimes that question brings remarkable clarity.

You're playing on the edge of “who I've been” and “who I am becoming”.

So when you're facing an important decision, see if you can hold both. Honor who you've been. Listen to what that version of you wants you to know. And then ask whether the choice in front of you belongs more to who you've been or who you're becoming. Sometimes that difference changes and clarifies everything.

3. Listen widely, decide internally.

There is no shortage of opinions when we're making important decisions. Friends have opinions. Family has opinions. Coworkers have opinions. The internet definitely has opinions. Oh boy, does it!

And sometimes those perspectives can be incredibly helpful. Other times they simply reflect someone else's values, fears, preferences, history, or vision for your life.

That's why I think it's important to listen widely but decide internally. Gather information. Seek wisdom. Ask questions. Stay curious. But remember that nobody else has to live your life. The people who care about us often offer advice with the best of intentions. But even loving advice isn't automatically aligned advice.

Sometimes advice reflects who someone thinks we are rather than who we're becoming. Sometimes it reflects their fears more than our truth. And sometimes it reminds us of what we no longer want. All of that can be useful information — as long as we remember that information isn't the same thing as instruction.

Sometimes another person's perspective helps clarify exactly what feels right. And sometimes it helps clarify what doesn't. Both can be valuable.

It helps us to remember that information isn't the same thing as instruction.

4. Listen for what feels true.

After you've listened to your history, considered who you're becoming, and gathered whatever outside perspectives feel useful, there comes a point when more thinking often stops helping.

At some point, we have to come back to ourselves. Not to the loudest voice. Not to the most fearful voice. Not necessarily to the most logical voice or the pro-con list either. But to the deeper knowing beneath all the noise.

For me, that often shows up as a quiet sense of truth. Not certainty. Not guarantees. Just a gentle knowing and a feeling of "I think this is mine."

Sometimes that knowing comes through intuition. Sometimes through the body, as if one direction creates a little more openness and another creates tightness and contraction. Sometimes through stillness. Sometimes through paying attention to what keeps returning no matter how many times I try to talk myself out of it. (Know what I mean?)

Whatever form it takes, I've learned that making space to hear that inner knowing matters. A lot.

And once you've listened for what feels true and made a thoughtful decision, there comes a point where continuing to analyze it often becomes less helpful than living it. That's where the fifth and often-forgotten part of decision-making comes in.

5. Then commit to the choice you made.

Whatever decision you made—make it good. Meaning, commit to it as a good decision. Not because every decision turns out perfectly. Not because you'll never learn something new. And definitely not because you'll never change your mind. But because endlessly second-guessing ourselves after a thoughtful decision often creates more suffering than the decision itself.

Whatever decision you made—make it good.

Once you've listened to your history, considered who you're becoming, gathered information, and checked in with what feels true, there comes a point where the work shifts. The question is no longer "Did I make the right decision?" but rather "What do I want to do with the decision I've made?" Because even the most thoughtful decision is only the beginning. What happens next matters too.

So, what do you do with the decision you’ve made?

Own It

Whatever decision you made, it was the best decision you could make with the awareness, information, capacity, and life experience you had at the time. Looking backward with information you didn't have yet is rarely a fair exercise.

Make It Work

Even when a decision doesn't unfold exactly as we'd hoped, there is often still something to learn, build, create, repair, discover, or become from it. Sometimes the value of a decision isn't found in the outcome we wanted but in the person we become because of it.

Let It Shape You

Every decision becomes part of your ongoing story. The question isn't only whether the decision was right. It's also: Who are you becoming because of it?

The goal isn't to make perfect decisions. The goal is to make thoughtful ones. And when uncertainty inevitably shows up, to trust yourself enough to keep moving forward anyway.

A brief note of appreciation to my pal Karl Mertens for the rainy bicycle ride and conversation that served as the inspiration for this article.